Funny Things To Say Vacationing In L.A.

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One of us recently had the good fortune to take a vacation to Los Angeles, where one of us had floor seats to the Lakers.

You have permission to seethe with bitter envy, we totally understand.

And now, with our mind on our money and our money on our mind we proudly present…

Funny Things To Say Vacationing In L.A.

I don’t know what they were talking about, driving on the 405 isn’t that ba…HOLY SHIT !
Now this is a dating pool, you could strike out nine thousand times and still land a hottie.
Tofu? If I wanted to eat sponges I’d have been a plankton.
It’s all good, in L.A. you don’t have to come to a complete stop, they call it “the California roll,” I read about it in a book. Fuck, I think we’re getting pulled over.
Let’s head down to the Sunset Strip. I hear every third tourist there gets a free overdose.
Legal pot, gay marriage, a the largest city run by Jews and you can’t elect a Democrat for shit … W-T-F-ywood?
Let’s see, the restaurant is five miles away, so if we leave right after lunch we should make it in time for dinner.
I’m not sure what all that verde, vande, grande bullshit is. Can I get a large coffee, please?
Why yes, that is a woman with a Hermes’ bag standing next to a homeless man eating out of the garbage can. Welcome to Hollywood, bitches!
What do you mean Fabio doesn’t have a star?
If you’ll look over here you’ll see the Capitol Records building, and just over this way you’ll see a total shit hole.
Ma’am. Would you please stop poking me with your dick?
Shit, I think you set the GPS for “The Hood.”
Free O.J.!
Dear Los Angeles, we want our hot women back! Sincerely, Every Other City In America.
I’ll give you $1,000 if you can spell the name of your governor.
I’m glad you like my southern accent, wanna fuck?
If you could speed up a little so I can get past the angry gentleman waving his AK that would be great. Thanks.
The trip would be perfect if only we could blow some greenery with Snoop.

Please, we’re not the only people qualified to be funny. In fact, we’re not qualified to do much of anything. Add your funny line in the comments. We’ll gladly laugh at you, too.

Say Funny Things posts are often crowdsourced on Twitter. To participate in future funnies, follow@sayfunnythings on Twitter and watch for calls for entries. If you have an idea, send us a message there. And now back to real life, so long Jack, so long Kobe, so long all you fine fine women.