Funny Things To Say Shopping At Whole Foods

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Even though half of the staff here at Say Funny Things is a pinko, commie, Obama-loving, liberal, vegetarian type we’re always in the mood to piss off Volvo-driving soccer moms. Eat it, milfy milfy milfs!

Excuse me, do you know where I could find the Little Debbie snacks?
Fuck Vegans!
Let’s just pause for a moment to reflect on our superiority.
“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” was such a bullshit movie.
Excuse me, where would I find the vegan lard? (from @atWilliam)
I can’t stand NPR, it’s Fox News all the way for me!
I see you have “Dwell” magazine here, are you sold out of “Southern Living”?
No, no , no I shop at Whole Foods because I LIKE paying ridiculously high prices for cheese…. (from @bankdraft)
Do you have the High Fructose Corn Syrup version of this?
What’s with all this drab looking recycled shit … that’s what they have landfills for! This place needs some color, high-gloss plastic color!
Need to git me some of this here organic beer to drink during wrasslin’!
Hey, check out their new line of romantic meals – Tofu 4 Two! (from @atWilliam)
How could such a good company be against Socialized Health Care? (from @MickGregory)
Can’t wait till I can afford to buy groceries here AND drive a foreign car!
USA! USA! USA! Heh, just kidding everybody, I hate America too!
My God, that cashier is as pale as a Cullen. She probably sparkles in sunlight.

Please … we’re not the only people qualified to be funny. In fact, we’re not qualified to do much of anything. Add your funny line in the comments. We’ll gladly laugh at you, too.

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