Funny Things To Say While Watching The 2010 Winter Olympics

VANCOUVER, BC - FEBRUARY 18: Johnny Weir of t...

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While we are certainly upstanding patriotic American citizens and we wish the best to all of the athletes competing in this year’s Games, we are nonetheless a bit nonplussed this time around. Perhaps we’re jaded by our love of baseball, football, and basketball (plus, we keep having flashbacks to the mean kid next door convincing us frozen pole licking was a sport and we should practice to make the Olympics) or maybe we just ain’t feelin’ it like usual. Regardless, we hope you’re having a better go of it than we are. However, no matter where you land on the spectrum we think it’s always a good time to be a smart ass, and having said that, we now present:

Funny Things To Say While Watching The 2010 Winter Olympics

Lindsey Vonn kinda makes me wanna play “pocket slalom” if ya know what I mean…
It’s lonely being the only person alive who thinks Shaun White is a douche.
If boredom is another form of criticism I’m critical as hell of curling.
Do you think Johnny Weir is gay?
Brother and sister ice skating duos creep me the fuck out. (from @pattypunker)
Too bad drinking bourbon isn’t an Olympic sport, I could call my off time “training.”
Thank God! Hannah Storm is finally on a different network.
“Ohno” he didn’t! HA HA, Hoo-wee, Oh, somebody stop me!
I heard that curling may be endangered because there is only one place in the entire world where they can get the right stone. I think it may be more endangered by everyone realizing it’s stupid.
When does Michael Phelps come on?
Isn’t this whole event just a big, gay conspiracy to have more men in spandex on television?
I’d rather be watching those guys who pull train cars with their teeth at 4am on ESPN.
They should have a mystery science theater style commentary running during all ice skating events. (from @AngeleOutWest)
Which one figures to get busted taking bong hits this time around? Oh right. Shaun White.
Sure honey, I’d love to watch ice dancing with you. Could you hand me that razor blade?
The winter Olympics is hockey. All that other shit is peckerheads holding on to 7-year-old dreams of playing in the snow. Now forecheck somebody!
New drinking game: one shot every time an announcer says the phrase “on the podium.”
I watched for a few days but then I remembered that everything on all of the other channels is less boring.

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