These posts are crowdsourced on Twitter. To participate in future funnies, follow @sayfunnythings on Twitter and watch for calls for entries. If you have an idea, send us a message on Twitter.
Funny Things To Say At The Thanksgiving Table
- “So, Granddad. Saw some little blue pills in the bathroom. You been waxin’ dat ass!?” (me)
- “Let’s get this going. I thought I heard Yukon Corneilus on the TV in the other room. We’re behind schedule!” (from @jsandford)
- “Shit! I was hopin’ for Wendy’s.” (me)
- “Aunt Audrey, I’ve always wondered what you would taste like.” (from @jsandford)
- “And Lord, please bestow travel blessings upon us all. Except for Uncle Todd. He’s a dick.” (me)
- “Kevin, you didn’t ’stuff’ the turkey like you did last year did you?” (me)
- “Can you pass me whatever that is under the gravy?” (from @waynegooden)
- “Everyone say an extra bit of thanks today! Stacy finally got her period!” (me)
- “Can’t decide which I look forward to most: Mom’s cooking or watching the Lions later.” (me)
- (To the sweet potato casserole): “Why can’t you just let it go? I said I would put it in the past and you agreed.” (from @jsandford)
- “Let us please all remember as we are nourished by this bounty which God has so generously blessed us, that our blessings abound. For we have each other … and now know your father is a sonofabitch.” (me)
- (Say grace, but in Klingon.) (from @jsandford)
- “I’m thankful Sally hasn’t found out about the hookers yet.” (me)
- “Grandma! For the love of Christ! Please stop farting!” (me)
- “Umm, Uncle Milton, that’s actually my leg. (from @jsandford)
- “Sit down, Bud. We’re getting ready to fu%#ing pray!” (me, and that was actually said at one of my family Thanksgivings)
- “Aunt Bethany? Does your cat like Jell-o?” (from @covati)
- “Grandma, please pass the salt. Your stuffing tastes like corrugated cardboard again.” (me)
- “So, you really think that’s gravy?” (from @jeffhora)
- (While chewing slowly and looking perplexed) “Uh … where’s the cat?” (me)
But that’s just what we came up with. Add your ideas in the comments.
9WJ3GD46HDTZ
