Crack 'em up … every time

We’re trying to get in touch with our spiritual side, but I think we’re doing it wrong. It’s the only way we can think to explain the fiendish nightmares, the dodging of falling pianos, the crazy homeless guy standing outside the door holding a sign that reads, REPENT! We thought about it but decided eh, hell with it, we’re posting this anyway…

Funny Things To Say At A Monastery

1. Anything
2. Oh, rice again. Great.
3. The vestal virgins await … the vestal virgins await … the vestal virgins await …
4. So, is everyone here named Thelonious?
5. I’m ordering pizza, who’s got five on some Papa John’s?
6. Rinzen, did you take my Tupac cd?
7. You know I just realized, these robes clash with my eyeliner.
8. Tell ya’ll what, I’ve tried pussy and watermelon, and I’ve tried meditating. And, well, I’m outta here!
9. At one monastery, all monks chant “good morning.” someone goofs and another exclaims, “someone chanted evening!” (from @fichtnerbass)
   
10. Is it defeating the purpose if I meditate on Scarlett Johansson’s cleavage?
11. I’ll give you $100 and a blow job if you’ll break your vow of silence!
12. Hold on, hold on. Catholic? I thought this was fuckin’ Lutheran! SHIT!
13. WWJD? Pretty sure he wouldn’t settle for this when his pops blessed us with Select Comfort, that’s what!
14. Break out the wine, my brothers! The flat screen has arrived!
15. Hey man, you got any thermals I can borrow? My nuts are freezing in this robe!
16. The doors of my perception have been cleansed, and much to my surprise it turns out NWA was right, life ain’t nothin but bitches and money!
17. No 3G? Are you fucking serious? My ipad is useless to me here!

Please … we’re not the only people qualified to be funny. In fact, we’re not qualified to do much of anything. Add your funny line in the comments. We’ll gladly laugh at you, too.

Say Funny Things posts are often crowdsourced on Twitter. To participate in future funnies, follow@sayfunnythings on Twitter and watch for calls for entries. If you have an idea, send us a message there. Now if you’ll excuse us while we go dodge lightning bolts…

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